Memories

The more the memories, the more it hurts.

Press The Pause Button

Life has no pause button to think, to decide, to judge. Life has no rewind nor forward button. Where you are now is exactly what you're doing and what you should do.

And that's where I am right now. I wish that I have the "pause" button to pause and think. Or maybe fast forward it to skip this situation. I am a girl with a broken heart. And this time, it's really for real.

It's not another fight. But it's the end. I think? Well it has to! I looked back so many times. And I keep asking God to give me another chance to erase the regret that has been killing me past few months. And there it is. The chance. To leave.

I don't know the status now. Am I single or am I not? Do I want this or I don't? I want this! Yes! But I don't want this! Damn. Why love h.u.r.t.s?

I want him to be that frog. The one that will be my prince forever. The one who will take care of me. Why does it has to end? I love him. With all my heart. Truly. He's a great boy. But yeah, he's a 'boy'. I need a man to take care of me and love me.

I can't go on with him. I can't take the pain of loving him. But at the same time, I can't live without him. I must make a wise decision so that I will not regret it in the future. For the mean time, I off my phone. But he said that our last call was last call forever.

Our memories in lingering on my mind. And I can't stop myself from imagining him hugging another girl. I really don't want to lose him. He's part of me. He's my soul.

It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye.

It takes a few minutes for us to meet on myspace. It take a few second for him to leave me his number. It takes a few minutes for me to call him and told him that I'm around his area. And it takes less than an hour for him to fall for me. It takes months for him to make me love him. It takes 7 months for me to get him back. It takes a year for us to build a relation. It takes a day for 'us' to cease. It takes hours for him to try to leave me. It takes a second for him to hung up the phone.



I know that when I wake up tomorrow, things would be different. No more morning calls. No more 'I love you, baby.' Or maybe.. 'I miss you so much'..

No more.

This Is So True

=(

Enough Is Just A Word

Yeah.. I kept saying the word "enough" over and over again. But it's just a word in the dictionary because I didn't take any action. Today, he hits me again. He punched me on my stomach. Twice. And I kicked him on his stomach. I was so stupid that I cried out loud. I know.. I shouldn't cry. But it hurts. To accept the fact that between us is going to an end.

I felt empty. I mourn. But it was for the memories we had. It was wonderful. I had a really great time with him. Not. Yeah.. He made me happy but he made me suffer. He had an affair before and I have to watch them for 6 months. For that period I have to pretend that I'm just his friend. How awful is that? After he 'ended' it with that bitch, he still contact her behind my back. And when I found out, he begged me and even kneel down. I was so stupid to forgive him. That was my greatest regret.

You know, I just told my friend that I was scared to suffer alone at home because I'm on semester break. And I don't have car to go out and have fun. Suddenly the workshop called and told me that I can take my car tomorrow! Wow. A sign? Or something to help me from suffering alone? I can chill with my friends. They are all on sem break.

I'm so in love with this book. It helps me a lot eventhough I haven't broke up with him yet.

Open Up

Wuuu I'm so done. Thinking of leaving him again but it seems so wrong. He hits me. Again. Barely walk. I wanna live without him but I don't know if I can. I wanna be without him but he's part of me. I wanna go on but I'm scared.

I know, being with him is so wrong. I can't reach the stars above because he kept pulling my leg because too afraid that I'd go far away from him. He doesn't know that I want him to fly with me to reach the stars. He doesn't want to. But he didn't let me too. That's bad. I know.

"He's violent. Leave him!"
"Break up with him"
"He's a shit ass jerk! You can find a better guy"
"Does he loves you as much as you love him?"
"If he really loves you he wouldn't do that to you!"
"Leave him!"

Everyone said the same things. Everyone. I know I'm stupid. Stupid enough to forgive him after all what he has done.

My best friend told me that hitting me is worse than having an affair. Well, he had an affair. And he even let me know everything. I have to see them 'LOVE' each other. Even help him "pretend" that he loves that girl. Yeah. He asked me to tell that girl that he loves her. He said it was just an act because he loves doing that to that girl. I even let them chatting, webcam-ing, sweet talking infront of me. Asshole!

He hits me a lot of times. The first time when I can't stop shouting because I found out that he texts that girl behind my back saying that he still loves her and that's why he can't move on with me. FUCK!

The 2nd time.. Err I didn't remember. Like I said, a lot of times. But the worst is at Petaling area. He slapped me and kicked me and punched me on my stomach. I have to forgive him before he kills someone.

And the latest one he kicked me on my leg. It hurts! But my heart hurts more. I can't leave him now... For certain reasons.

I didn't regret that we met as it was fate. I didn't regret that I love him as it was nature. But I do regret that I forgave him for the very 1st mistake he made. Having an affair. I regret that the most. Because it was a choice that I can decide. But I decided to be a fool. I made a wrong decision..

Leave Love

What would you do, if you know that you're with a wrong guy that you are very sure that you can't stay together forever with him because he's just not the one but you keep loving him more and more?

I know I'm going out with a wrong person. Because it's just so wrong. Everything went wrong. Nothing are 100% okay between us. Fight everyday over a small and ridiculous things to fight over. Fight every hour over a really small matter. Being mad for no reasons. Over protective to each other. Keep blaming each other. No trust, no understanding. We can't even tolerate. But we love each other so much. Is it really love? I was quite certain that it was LOVE. But now, I can't be so sure is it really love or just lust??

The CLEO October issue says:

HE'S OBSESSED BY YOU

He calls and texts to find out what you are doing every nanosecond of the day and when you're together, he wants to be hoding hand or cuddling all the time. You feel completely suffocated and wish he would give you some space, but he's too jealous to trust you to do anything without him. He says things like "I couldn't imagine life without you" but life without him is starting to look more appealing to you all the time. "Underneath all their passionate declarations and bravado, men who are prone to obsessive love are usually insecure, dissatisfied with their jobs, unhappy with their lives and angry with the world," says psychologist. "For them, love is like a drug which can heal them from their misery. That's why they hold on so tightly when they find a woman they see as 'the one'. They experienced life-or-death need for romance and attention. But if you're their partner, their nediness and demands are upsetting and crippling."

Dump him IF:

• He gets so jealous that he is verbally or physically abusive - he could really end up hurting you.
• You have started being way less indiependat just to keep him happy and keep the peace.
• He has nothing else in his life except you.

Well, the answer is YES for all "dump him if" statements above. Thank you.

But I don't wanna dump him because I also can't imagine my life without him! And I have became HIM. You know what I mean? No one understands my situation even my mum.

It's Gone Actually

I thought that I somehow still L him. Thought that he's still the best in my eyes. Thought that he could be the one for me. Thought that he's the only person who could mend my heart if something happened between me and my boy. The boy is O.

I was absolutely wrong

The feeling has gone. The excitement is no longer there. I thought hearing his voice after a year would make my day. But I just realize that I don't like him. Rather annoying although he's still the same as he was before. The joy of hearing his voice after a year in my previous post was just a feeling of meeting an old friend.

And I realize for how much I love my boy. For how much he meant for me. For how happy he can mke me be. Realize that he's the only guy that's perfect for me. I love him..

Remember this Giss, in case something bad happened..

"Be grateful for everything that happened. Because that means God doesn't want you to get into anymore trouble"

What Were You Saying?

Why is it so hard for him to understand me? It isn't like I'm talking other language. But he never really understood me at all circumstance. Did I speak duck language with him? I think I speak malay language. But he still can't understand me. At all.

When he asked me who understands me, I told him my best friend. Suddenly he said stupid things that hurt me more. We were fighting for many stupid things. Since this morning. Fight, ok. Fight, ok. Fight, ok. He said I was saying that my friend is more important than he is. He asked me to go to my friend who can sacrifice for me, be with me. Who were the one who's hard to understand. Me or him? I thought he's the one who leaves me for his friends! He hardly had time for me now. But I'm the one to blame for telling him the truth who really understands me?

I'm really disappointed. We're almost 1 year. But we don't understand each other. There's no understanding in our relation. No trust. That's the most important things. I know! That's why I don't know what will happen to our relationship. ='(

Missing Him

"Missing someone isn’t about how long it’s been since you’ve seen them last. Or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something, and you wish, you wish that they were right there with you."

Yeah it's true. It has only about 2 days that I haven't see him. He stayed at my house for two days, two days ago. But I miss him so bad. More than a word could describe. Like it says, whenever I'm doing something, I wish that he's right here with me. I wish he's holding me right now while I'm reading "How To Write and Speak Better".

Honestly speaking I feel like he's now unreachable by my bare hand. He seems so far away. We used to talk like more than 5 hours a day. But now, barely 50minutes. I miss him beyond words could say. Why does things has to change? I didn't say that he changed. I said, things. Which I couldn't tell in here.

I had a very bad nightmare. He's cheating on me. But I know he wouldn't do that to me, would he? I can't doubt him. It's bad. We're almost 1 year.. I should trust him..

How can we cry for missing someone who's still yours...??

Arrival of My 2nd Baby

There she is. So pretty! She came last two days ago. She's a gorgeous I tell you. When I first hold her, I feel like it's my first one! I didn't feel that way with my first baby. But when I open the envelop, teared the side of the paper, and there she is.. It sparkled! I swear!! And she is my Maybank credit card!! And when I hold it high, I swear it glows!

I solemnly swear that I will take a good care of you, honey.

Shoes

I want these shoes!!!

Dean

I wanna be on Dean's list. I wanna be a top student for this sem and next and next and next. I failed the last 2 sems. I don't want to failed anymore. Okay? This is the new me. I will pass my classes and be on Dean's list.

I WANNA BE ON DEAN'S LIST!
I WILL BE ON DEAN'S LIST!

The Present, The Future

He knows it was me! OMG OMG. How did he knows it was ME?!

Did he still remember my voice?
Or the way I speak?

But the way I speak has changed. HOW DID HE KNOWS IT WAS ME?! How?? I'm so curious to know! Haven't had the chance to ask him.

G: Helo. O?
O: Ye Giss (not my real name)

Fuck! How did he knows? I kept denying.

G: How can you be so confident that I'm Giss?
O: Eleh. Tau la
G: I'm not your Lulu
O: Haaaaaaa hehehe

='( I was so excited. I wanna cry!!! OMG.

G: Ok la. Since you already know it was me, bye.
O: Hey! Nak gi mana????

Why oh whyy? Damn! Giss! You have a bf who loves you truly. Not like him. Okay. Then the network cutted the line. I text him, did he hung up? He said no and he asked me to call him back. I didn't call him back. Few moments later, I text him asking how did he know it was me? He didn't reply.

Waiting.. Waiting.. Waiting.. No news. Move on.

Suddenly when I was writing this blog.. He sent me a mms but I couldn't open it cause I don't know what's my mobile name to set gprs settings. Haih..

I'm not gonna fall for him back. No. I love my bf. I love my bf. I do love him. My bf. So much. And talking about him, I miss him :( Where's he?

The Past

I called someone. Someone from the past. Whom I loved for a quite long time. But turns out that he left me without notice. Suddenly gone. It's almost a year since he left me suddenly.

Lately, I've been missing him so much. As if we just met yesterday. But it has been more than a year since we last met. It was our first and last date. 2 days together.. But it was the most wonderful day. Being with him was the most wonderful time.

I do love my bf so much and truly. Madly in love with my bf. I know it is wrong to think about my ex. Actually, he's not even my ex. Let me call him O.

He's someone whom I had known since my childhood. But we lost contact. I've crush on him back then when we both were still young. But I completely forgot about him. Suddenly I met him on the internet.. Myspace. But we don't know each other. When I found out where's his crib, I was shocked. He's one of my old friend!

So the jejak kasih began. I started to remember about him a bit. Then I remember, I used to talk about him a lot back then. Hah! My friend, A used to like him! Yuppp!!

So I asked my friend, does she know O. She said yes. And she told me something shocking.

"You used to have crush on him"

What the..?!?! I thought it was her? IT WAS ME who has crush on him? Oh God.

We talked on the phone everyday. Texting everyday. He was the one who calm me down on the day my dad passed away. He has became a part of me. Although he was somewhere in the South. 300km away.

One day, while we talk about his place.. I remember someone wearing an orange shirt, riding a bike was chasing me around the suburb. Not stalking, of course. Cause I know him. He's my senior. He was flirting with me. But my crush on that time was chasing me as well. Not 'chasing' as in flirting me. But really chased me around the suburb. It was funny but I will never forget that moment till my last breath.

So, I asked him.. Do he likes orange? He said YES. I asked him again, Does he has orange shirt? YES. Do he knows Y? YES.

Y was his friend he was with that day. And I asked him 1 more question, is he the one who chased me????

I asked A. She didn't remember. He asked Y. Yes.. It was him. IT WAS HIM!! OMG what a small world?? I fall in love with a same person twice???

We became more close. But still, he didn't ask me to be his GF. Well, I thought that he'd propose to me to be his GF on the day we met? But I was wrong.

He slowly back off from me. Slowly disappears from me. Until one day, when I was near his crib, I tried to contact him. No respond. He didn't reply my sms. He didn't answers any of my calls. Not a single news from him until I got back to my house. I decided to move on. I left him few words on his myspace and block him and we never talked to each other ever since.

I remember when I begged him don't love me. That I love him. I remember when he begged me that he needs me. I will remember forever

We used a cartoon's character name as a nickname for both of us. Tobby and Lulu. And the song No Air is our theme song. Whenever I hear the song, he's on my mind. I can still smell him. His perfume, is my favourite men's perfume. He'll forever be my Tobby. But surely I've moved on. I just miss the moment we shared before. He's the last guy before I decided to love my current bf. I can't call him my ex-boyfriend. He's not.

Just now.. On my way to work, I called him. He answered. But I didn't say anything. And I can't hear his voice clearly.

O: Hello? Hello???

Then he kept quiet. Waiting for me to speak.

I hung up. Then I texted him..

G: O kan?

Sadly.. He said No. I got a wrong number.

My boss called me and told me that I don't have to come for work. When I got home.. I'm still not satisfied. I was sad, crushed.. I decided to call him. So what if I got a wrong number? When I heard his voice, I know it was him!

G: O kan?
O: Tak la.. *giggles*
G: Yela
O: Haha a ah la ni O.

Bla bla bla..

I asked him do he know me? He said no. Then I told him that he don't need to.

G: Hmm k la..
O: Ey kejap. Sape ni????
G: Bye..
O: Eyyy eyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

I hung up. I still miss him. Why didn't he call back?? Whyyy?!? I texted him again..

G: Just wanna tell you that I miss you. Glad to hear your voice. Take care.. Bye.
O: Siapa ni? Please bagitahu I.
G: Can we talk for a while? Tak puas dengar suara.

And here I am, writing this blog. Haven't call him yet. He text me..

O: U

I didn't reply and didn't call. I don't know what should I do.

"I don't know"????

Ok la I do hide something that I know. I want to call him! I want to talk to him!!! That's what I want. And I want to tell him it was me! I want to I want to! But I can't.

There's no right or wrong? But this is so wrong!! SO SO WRONG!! I have a boyfriend who was being so faithful to me and not contacting any of his ex. But me???? Okay maybe he did text his ex last night because it was urgent and with my permission. But have I asked him for a permission?! NO. I'm being unfaithful! I am selfish. Damn.

But I just wanna hear his voice that I miss so much for the last time.. Can't I?

Sahur

Ahh.. It's 5am. Just finished my sahur. Selamat Bersahur, everyone! And selamat berpuasa by the way.

My schedule were really packed. It's sem break! But I've been busy working. Helping my uncle at the bazaar Ramadhan. Hm but seems like it's not really that packed. Oh well, whatever.

There's nothing much to share though. Nothing exciting happened. Love? Moving on and going on. 2 in 1. There's still love but no respect and understanding. How is that huh? I even doubt that it's ever going to survive for long or last forever. We're getting worse and worse everyday. Well, getting worse it bad, isn't it? We know that we can't go on anymore but we keep denying and keep avoiding and refused to admit the truth. At least we're trying to go on and fix everything instead of running away.

That's all for today. Hope there will be more tomorrow =) I'm sleepy and I'm bloated! Toodles~

Dear Diary

Dear diary,
Let me tell you about my story
I know it’s rather sad
But that’s the way I feel

Dear diary
I don't know if this is right or not
Started thinking of leaving him
But I’m afraid it might hurt him
All I want is for everything in the right place
And everyone is happy
Is it too much to ask for
All I want is for everything in the right place
So everyone is happy
Is that too much to ask for

Dear diary
Strong is not exactly right word
Started thinking of leaving him
But I'm afraid it might hurt him
All I want is for everything is in the right place
So everyone is happy
Is that too much to ask for
All I want is for everything in the right place
So everyone is happy
Is that too much to ask for

Dear diary
Strong is not exactly the right word
I don't know what to do know
Confusion is all over me

In Love

Today I went to the Kia outlet. My mum FINALLY agreed to get me a new car since my baby car is gonna kill me soon. All the cars are sooooooo big. Haha. I masuk drive sure tak nampak jalan and orang tak nampak I. Damn it.

But Naza Suria ada. Very cute (not actually). My mum agreed to buy it. Muahaha!! I was so excited and can't wait to buy it. But then..

I fall in love with Hyundai i10 which is lot better than Naza Suria. Sorry Suria, you're not a shining sun anymore.

Suka dalam dia actually. LAWAAAA. Sure best if I drive this car. Wuu wuuu!! I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!! SOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!

You're gonna be mine!

Mummy, I Love You!

I love my mum.. Just wanna share..

She's my idol. I didn't say that just because of she's my mother. No. Because she's strong. She's the most strongest person I've met in person so far. Problems keep coming and keep attacking her. But she survived until today.. No matter what obstacle she's going through.. She still stay strong. I love her..

She waited for me for 5 years after married. Patiently waiting.. For 9 months I've been inside her. She took a good care of herself which mean she took care well of me.. On my birth day.. She had the most painful pain.. Giving birth..

She raised me for 18 years.. Give me the best she can. Last year, she stands on his own when my dad passed away. She has to pay for everything including for my school's fees.

Last 3 months, I gave her a very hard burden for her. But she kept patient on me. She accepted the burden for my sake. She sacrificed for me. The biggest sacrifice she ever made. But I made her disappointed. Because I spent most of my time with someone else. I don't have time to spend with her. And I forced her to sacrifice for the sake of my heart and what I want - to be with him.

I wanna make her proud.
I wanna be with her while I can.
I wanna repay for every sacrifices she made for me.
I love her so much.

Mum, I love you!!

Watching her sleep really touched my heart. She never rest. But today, she gave me her trust for me to cook for her on my own. Before, she'll prepare everything and I will cool. But I have to prepare everything today and cook.

Want some?

I love my mum more than myself. My biggest fear is losing her.. Everyday I'm afraid that I'll lose her. I will someday. But I'm not ready yet. I will never be ready to love her..

She gave birth to me no matter how painful it was
She raised me no matter how tough it was
She sacrifice for me no matter how hurt she is
She gave me education no matter how expensive it is
She loves me endlessly no matter what I did
She won't leave me no matter what happen

Remember..
Mother's love is the most pure and powerful. Syurga terletak di bawah tapak kaki ibu.

Don't ever dare to abandon your mum.. No matter if she's crazy.. No matter if she's a prisoner. No matter if she's a prostitute. Cause she loves you no matter what and how you are. Tell your mum that you love her while it's not too late.. Repay her when you can no matter how. She will appreciate it no matter what you gave her. As long as she knows that you love her, she will appreciate anything you do/give.

Thank you love

Thanks my love.. You really disappoint me today. Real badly..

My mum is sick. She can't even get up. And today I got a date with him. But I have to cancel it to take care of my mum since I'm her only child.

She's the strongest women that I've met. If she got a really high fever, she still fight with it and go to work. But today, she can't get up.. I'm worry about her. I need someone to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be fine.

But when I told him I can't make it today.. He said, "thanks very2 much. I beg u.. Please don't find me anymore. ok? Pls.. I know yur situation.. But I'm disappointed in you.. Please k?"

He even said that we won't meet again..
He said I tak de hati perut.
He said I played his heart.
He said he hates me.
He said he's gonna be the most terrible person after this.
He said he's sick.
He said he's gonna die.
He sent me a picture of him hanging himself.
He video called me while he's hanging himself.

I've got to call his mum. He's fine.. Except he's crying non-stop. And now I haven't heard anything from him..

Is it my fault that my mum is sick? Is it my fault that I have a mum to take care of? My mum only has mein her life. She has nobody else.. I have to take care of her.

But why did he became like that just because I want to cancel our date to take care of my mum? I'm very disappointed..

My Dream Car

It would be between these

Hyundai i10

Hyundai Getz

But a friend of mine told me that it uses fuel like drinking cold drink. And there's something wrong with my baby car cause it was supposed to save fuel but mine uses alot of fuel. Haizz~!!

Rest

I wish I had 1 day off from life. I don't mean to be unconscious or whatever. Just wanna take a break from life. From doing anything. From going out. From assignments. From love.

But I know I can't. There's no time for a break in life. Because God already gave us a long period break.. Where we are free from works, free from responsibility, free from problems, free from love, free from commitments, free from sins.

The break time God gave is over. Just waiting to retired forever.

I'm not ready yet to retired from life. It's just that I wish I could free myself from works and love for just one day which I know, I can't. From works, can.. But not from love or other commitments that I am committed to.

Sometimes, I wonder if I can escape a day from life..? Not doing anything.. Neither having fun. Just rest with a book and a lavender candle. Uuuu~ How I love lavender fragrance. It's very delicate.

I will find my way how to take a break from life and I will share how. Wish me luck okay?

Ps: What about making a movie titled - Escape a day in life? Haha

Happy Happy, NOT.

To me, we have to struggle very hard to earn it, to reach it, to feel it, to have it. We have to face so many obstacles even to smell it. Sometimes, when we're not strong enough or not strong willing enough to be happy, we gave up. And when we gave up, all the hardship we went through even 10% is a waste.

Happiness is very rare. That's why we have to struggle. We have to fight with life. When we talk about life.. We will open up our mouth so big that even a cat can enter. Because life is a big role. And it's cruel. We have to fight with it just for happiness.

Value buy - Happiness Battery

If we got through the hardship, manage to survive the obstacles.. We will finally earn our most biggest and rare reward that is HAPPINESS. But remember, we will lose it sooner or later. I told you so.. Life is cruel.

It's like money.. We save money everyday.. So hard for us. Sanggup tahan lapar, tahan rokok just for a lil money. Say, I want a laptop. I start saving and gave up on clothes and everything even topup. Finally I get my laptop. Someday, it will broke down.. Happiness is like that..

HAPPINESS WON'T LAST LONG.
Make sure you remember that and accept the fact.

But atleast we're not like the losers who gave up. Atleast we got to feel the happiness even for a lil while. We have to be gratitude that God gave us the oppurtunity to be happy even we haven't satisfied yet with the happiness that we finally have after our hardship.

"I wanna go to the Utopia. Or to the LaLa Land. They say it's heaven. Where we don't have to think about problems. Only having fun and being HAPPY. But they lied. I checked through my GPS. There's no such thing as Utopia or Lala Land." - T

We can choose to be happy or to be sad. It's all up to us to decide. If you're sad and you mourn, that means you chose to be sad. If you're sad but you decide to go out with friends, talk with someone then you chose to be happy. It's all in your hand.

Listen up and take my advice..

Appreciate the happiness that God gave you. Appreciate the opportunity while you still have it. When you lose it, be happy with it also. Because you will get another happiness in life. Life is cruel. But God is not.

But somehow I still alive inside
You took my breath but I survived
I don't know how but I don't even care..

Goodbye 'Love'

Fighting with the BF. He kept saying that I've changed. For the first time, he off his phone. I tried to reach him by calling his friend who's staying with him for now. But he refused to speak with me. For the first time after we got serious.

Before he hung up, he said that I need to feel it for at least once. Feel what? A pain of losing him?? Honestly, I can't take the pain if it's about losing him. Felt dozen times already. I love him. I can't stand living without him for even just for an hour! How can I take it if it's for a day???

Have I really changed like he said? Or it's just him? I don't know either. Maybe I am. I noticed that I'm kinda rude to him now. But that's because he always scold me even with my very tiny miny small mistake. But I never scold him the way he scold me even when he made a mistake. Ok I did scold him if he made a huge mistake or if he scold me first.

I can't take it anymore. Being scold I mean. Just now we fought just because I fell asleep. And he got angry.. scold then hung up. So I called him back.

"Macam you tak cam tu plak?"

That's the word that made him hung up the 2nd time when he scold me for falling asleep. 4months ago, he always slept when I talk. Talk talk talk talk cry and what I heard from him is a snore.

"Bila you rasa nak cari I, baru you cari I"

That's the word that made him off phone.

Is it my fault anyway? I don't know. Why do guys always being so selfish. Why they think that they always right? He said that I made him cari pasal. Hell the what??

How can I fix my relation with him? Can we last long anyway? I hope so ='( I love him. I wonder when will he find me????

For the first time also,
I off my phone.

Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup

I bet all Malaysian know this story. A story about a Mum who went to commit suicide because her children didn't left her the tembakul eggs she brought home.

For me, the story is fucking retarded and fuckingly stupid. Because the mother is very damn bloody hell stupid!!

*cool down*

As you already know, the mum went to the batu belah just because of eggs. And for God's sake, her children is still a little kid. Can't think of anything except for having the things they want. Bodoh kejadah apa mak dia tu? It's not the kids who were to blame. They know nothing at all. The mum who kononnya ada brain sangat tu, didn't use her brain well.

Can't she think of what will happen to her kids while she went to suicide just because of EGGS? So... the eggs are more important than her very own kids? What a shame. Don't call yourself a mother then. SELFISH! Why can't the mum sacrifice the eggs for her kids?? WHY?!?! She can't be a mum!!

The story also sets bad examples to the kids. It were meant to be a moral for children, but didn't they just thaught the children about suicide just because of eggs? And tell how stupid the mum is?

Back To The Basic

The last topic talked about LOVE. Well, today I'm gonna write about love again. Because I talked with my friend whom I didn't talk to for like 3 months and we missed so many things including where he had pursued for his study.

We talked about my boyfriend who doesn't trust me at all and we misunderstood very often. Not that often but ALWAYS misunderstood.

Then my friend told me something which I already know.. And I'm very sure that everybody do know this as well, don't they?

The most important thing in relationship is trust each other besides understanding.

She doesn't trust him.

In my opinion, love comes after those two main things because if love comes first, without trust and understanding, the relation won't work out. Even with no love, with trust and understanding.. the love will come by itself. That's only an opinion of mine. That doesn't mean it's true.

What comes after love? RESPECT. We have to respect each other to go far with the relation we build. Respect each other's privacy even he/she is our boyfriend/girlfriend. They still have their own life to live. Not just with us. We also have to respect their past before we exist in their life.

What happen when there's no trust, understanding, love & respect? DISASTER, I tell you!!!

Love Destroys The Stripes

My first topic to talk about is L.O.V.E. It's a major topic everyone talks about. There's two major topic.. First is love and the other one is money. I don't talk $$. I only talk love love. =P

Love affects human being so much until they got too obsessed with love. Why I said human being? Not living things? Because I don't know animals. Have you ever thought that a cat would commit suicide because of a broken heart? Maybe some of the cats commit suicide by letting the car hit them on the road? Haha. We don't know, do we? That's why I only point to human being.

When people say LOVE, they will think about heart. When people think about heart, they will feel somekind of pain. Different pain. It makes people goes crazy until we became a complete different person. Sometimes, we are not ourselves. That's the power of love beside making people blind.

See how mad people is about love until they make a heart shape using anything they had in sight. Another example..

Then when they got crazier, they will light it and burn everything they had insight and make the fire into a heart shape. Haha. Mad people.

Love.. People usually said the contrast in relation is the one that last long. I might have a problem with that. I have a boyfriend whom I love very much. With all my heart indeed. From the very beginning until now. But we're facing a difficult time right now, making me almost want to give up. We share a same interest in everything. That's the problem. Because we also share a same behavior. Everything is same. When he got mad and throw a terrible heart-pain words to me, I will throw to him back the same exact words. Because we did the same thing. When will the war ends? I also don't know.

Even we fight almost everyday, but I do still love him so much. That's the power of love. It makes me blind and it makes him blind. We had faced so many problems including having two third parties. That makes our love stronger. From don't-want-a-serious-relation-with-a-commitment him, now he became a very serious boyfriend. But he got over jealous over everything and it makes me suffocate. That's the problem in love.

LOVE can make a matured people became un-matured while un-matured people became matured.

NOT CUTE

Oh well I've gotta go. I'll write more soon =]

xxoo ♥

Intro

Helo readers. Although there's nobody knows this blog yet, I still want to say helo readerS with the "s" there. Can you see it, no? Cause I wish someday my blog will be a hit and everybody wants to start reading from the beginning. And this very lame intro will have readerS [note: notice the S, ok?]

I decided to write anonymously for a certain reasons that couldnt be tell cause then my friend will found out who I am. But perhaps they already know when they read the last sentence. Oh well, atleast they are my true friends.

It has been a really really longgggggggggggggggg time that I last wrote a blog or a diary. Yeah I owned a blog. Quite famous [kidding] one. Hehe. But for now I cant write there. Like I said, for a certain reasons. If someday, a miracle happen or thing changed, I might reveal who I am and write my main blog url here.

Oh well i got to go for now.

xxoo ♥