The Past

I called someone. Someone from the past. Whom I loved for a quite long time. But turns out that he left me without notice. Suddenly gone. It's almost a year since he left me suddenly.

Lately, I've been missing him so much. As if we just met yesterday. But it has been more than a year since we last met. It was our first and last date. 2 days together.. But it was the most wonderful day. Being with him was the most wonderful time.

I do love my bf so much and truly. Madly in love with my bf. I know it is wrong to think about my ex. Actually, he's not even my ex. Let me call him O.

He's someone whom I had known since my childhood. But we lost contact. I've crush on him back then when we both were still young. But I completely forgot about him. Suddenly I met him on the internet.. Myspace. But we don't know each other. When I found out where's his crib, I was shocked. He's one of my old friend!

So the jejak kasih began. I started to remember about him a bit. Then I remember, I used to talk about him a lot back then. Hah! My friend, A used to like him! Yuppp!!

So I asked my friend, does she know O. She said yes. And she told me something shocking.

"You used to have crush on him"

What the..?!?! I thought it was her? IT WAS ME who has crush on him? Oh God.

We talked on the phone everyday. Texting everyday. He was the one who calm me down on the day my dad passed away. He has became a part of me. Although he was somewhere in the South. 300km away.

One day, while we talk about his place.. I remember someone wearing an orange shirt, riding a bike was chasing me around the suburb. Not stalking, of course. Cause I know him. He's my senior. He was flirting with me. But my crush on that time was chasing me as well. Not 'chasing' as in flirting me. But really chased me around the suburb. It was funny but I will never forget that moment till my last breath.

So, I asked him.. Do he likes orange? He said YES. I asked him again, Does he has orange shirt? YES. Do he knows Y? YES.

Y was his friend he was with that day. And I asked him 1 more question, is he the one who chased me????

I asked A. She didn't remember. He asked Y. Yes.. It was him. IT WAS HIM!! OMG what a small world?? I fall in love with a same person twice???

We became more close. But still, he didn't ask me to be his GF. Well, I thought that he'd propose to me to be his GF on the day we met? But I was wrong.

He slowly back off from me. Slowly disappears from me. Until one day, when I was near his crib, I tried to contact him. No respond. He didn't reply my sms. He didn't answers any of my calls. Not a single news from him until I got back to my house. I decided to move on. I left him few words on his myspace and block him and we never talked to each other ever since.

I remember when I begged him don't love me. That I love him. I remember when he begged me that he needs me. I will remember forever

We used a cartoon's character name as a nickname for both of us. Tobby and Lulu. And the song No Air is our theme song. Whenever I hear the song, he's on my mind. I can still smell him. His perfume, is my favourite men's perfume. He'll forever be my Tobby. But surely I've moved on. I just miss the moment we shared before. He's the last guy before I decided to love my current bf. I can't call him my ex-boyfriend. He's not.

Just now.. On my way to work, I called him. He answered. But I didn't say anything. And I can't hear his voice clearly.

O: Hello? Hello???

Then he kept quiet. Waiting for me to speak.

I hung up. Then I texted him..

G: O kan?

Sadly.. He said No. I got a wrong number.

My boss called me and told me that I don't have to come for work. When I got home.. I'm still not satisfied. I was sad, crushed.. I decided to call him. So what if I got a wrong number? When I heard his voice, I know it was him!

G: O kan?
O: Tak la.. *giggles*
G: Yela
O: Haha a ah la ni O.

Bla bla bla..

I asked him do he know me? He said no. Then I told him that he don't need to.

G: Hmm k la..
O: Ey kejap. Sape ni????
G: Bye..
O: Eyyy eyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

I hung up. I still miss him. Why didn't he call back?? Whyyy?!? I texted him again..

G: Just wanna tell you that I miss you. Glad to hear your voice. Take care.. Bye.
O: Siapa ni? Please bagitahu I.
G: Can we talk for a while? Tak puas dengar suara.

And here I am, writing this blog. Haven't call him yet. He text me..

O: U

I didn't reply and didn't call. I don't know what should I do.

"I don't know"????

Ok la I do hide something that I know. I want to call him! I want to talk to him!!! That's what I want. And I want to tell him it was me! I want to I want to! But I can't.

There's no right or wrong? But this is so wrong!! SO SO WRONG!! I have a boyfriend who was being so faithful to me and not contacting any of his ex. But me???? Okay maybe he did text his ex last night because it was urgent and with my permission. But have I asked him for a permission?! NO. I'm being unfaithful! I am selfish. Damn.

But I just wanna hear his voice that I miss so much for the last time.. Can't I?