The Life.

I lost a best friend that I love so much. Without knowing where I went wrong, what did I do to her to make she hates me and treats me like an enemy. Can't she atleast tell me what did I do? Did I hurt her or something?


It's not fair not knowing what you did wrong because it hurts more. And losing a best friend whom I love so much, hurts more than breaking up.

 

I barely walk. I feel like crying all the time. I still hope that it's just a dream. But it's more like an endless nightmare because it keeps going on everyday. Then I realize that it wasn't a dream. It's true. I lost her. I lost part of me. She's like my other half. 

I still can't accept the truth that she did this to me. What did I do? Don't she knows me well? We've been best friend for 4 years but.... She doesn't trust me. People said we were twins. We look almost the same and we were very close! But she doesn't know me well like she said she was.  

She's always there when I needed her the most. We've been through ups and downs. She's always there. She even risked her life for me. We were like sisters. 

WHAT DID I DO?!!!

If it's my fault, I'll accept it and I will go away from your life forever. Why can't you ask me? Why do you have to listen to others? Why do you have to trust your boyfriend more? Don't you remember who matchmake you with your boyfriend? 

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP 

FOR NO REASON AT ALL?!

  
I'm still clueless about what's going on. It happens suddenly. That's why I'm so clueless and keep wondering what did I do wrong?

If she really is my best friend, she would call me and ask me. But no. I'm going through a really tough time. I need her. But she leaves me alone.

It all happened after our friendship necklace is broken. The one with her. It was a sign that our friendship will end.

I wonder how long will it last. How long can she hates me?  

Back

I'm back.. So many things has changed since I last updated. Of course. It has been almost 1 year. I'm in new relationship. And he's perfect. He made me feels like I'm living in a fairytale. After everything that I've been thru.. The pain, the hard time, the past.

The break up part is hard with my previous ex. He wouldn't let me go that easy. He kept haunting me. He even came to my college to embarrass me. That's the last time I forgive him. Of course I didn't forgive him for embarrassing me in front of my classmates. But that's the last terrible thing that happened after 1 year and 3 months.

He kept bothering, kept coming to my house, kept calling, kept talking bad about me. He blamed me. He said I played him. Go die! I wrote what he did in this blog. But it was only 20% of what he did. He torture me EVERYDAY from the first I fell in love with him. And I'm sure it wasn't love. It wasn't me back then. How can I love someone who hits me everyday. It wasn't love. I'm sure he used some kind of black magic to make people love him. 

But the past is haunting me right now. My life is full with regret. I regret forgiving him. I regret being with him!! How can I erase that from my mind and from my life? My life is a lot much better than before. Why can't I just forget about my regrets? To be frank, I still hold grudge on him. But I'm not thinking about taking any revenge on him. 

My new bf is my everything. He completes me. He appreciate me so much. It's tough to move on with him actually. But I forced myself because I know he's the one. I thought of being single till graduation. But I know I won't find another guy like him. I made a mistake of leaving A before. I won't repeat the same mistake again. But the love comes naturally it self after a month.

But.. I'm still trauma about everything. I hate myself for that. 

Life is so much peaceful. My mum is happy now. And I got to spend more time with her than before. She's so happy that I left that bastard. And she's happy seeing me happy now. Currently rebuilding everything and pursuing to get a better life ahead.