He knows it was me! OMG OMG. How did he knows it was ME?!
Did he still remember my voice?
Or the way I speak?
But the way I speak has changed. HOW DID HE KNOWS IT WAS ME?! How?? I'm so curious to know! Haven't had the chance to ask him.
G: Helo. O?
O: Ye Giss (not my real name)
Fuck! How did he knows? I kept denying.
G: How can you be so confident that I'm Giss?
O: Eleh. Tau la
G: I'm not your Lulu
O: Haaaaaaa hehehe
='( I was so excited. I wanna cry!!! OMG.
G: Ok la. Since you already know it was me, bye.
O: Hey! Nak gi mana????
Why oh whyy? Damn! Giss! You have a bf who loves you truly. Not like him. Okay. Then the network cutted the line. I text him, did he hung up? He said no and he asked me to call him back. I didn't call him back. Few moments later, I text him asking how did he know it was me? He didn't reply.
Waiting.. Waiting.. Waiting.. No news. Move on.
Suddenly when I was writing this blog.. He sent me a mms but I couldn't open it cause I don't know what's my mobile name to set gprs settings. Haih..
I'm not gonna fall for him back. No. I love my bf. I love my bf. I do love him. My bf. So much. And talking about him, I miss him :( Where's he?
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Past
I called someone. Someone from the past. Whom I loved for a quite long time. But turns out that he left me without notice. Suddenly gone. It's almost a year since he left me suddenly.
Lately, I've been missing him so much. As if we just met yesterday. But it has been more than a year since we last met. It was our first and last date. 2 days together.. But it was the most wonderful day. Being with him was the most wonderful time.
I do love my bf so much and truly. Madly in love with my bf. I know it is wrong to think about my ex. Actually, he's not even my ex. Let me call him O.
He's someone whom I had known since my childhood. But we lost contact. I've crush on him back then when we both were still young. But I completely forgot about him. Suddenly I met him on the internet.. Myspace. But we don't know each other. When I found out where's his crib, I was shocked. He's one of my old friend!
So the jejak kasih began. I started to remember about him a bit. Then I remember, I used to talk about him a lot back then. Hah! My friend, A used to like him! Yuppp!!
So I asked my friend, does she know O. She said yes. And she told me something shocking.
"You used to have crush on him"
What the..?!?! I thought it was her? IT WAS ME who has crush on him? Oh God.
We talked on the phone everyday. Texting everyday. He was the one who calm me down on the day my dad passed away. He has became a part of me. Although he was somewhere in the South. 300km away.
One day, while we talk about his place.. I remember someone wearing an orange shirt, riding a bike was chasing me around the suburb. Not stalking, of course. Cause I know him. He's my senior. He was flirting with me. But my crush on that time was chasing me as well. Not 'chasing' as in flirting me. But really chased me around the suburb. It was funny but I will never forget that moment till my last breath.
So, I asked him.. Do he likes orange? He said YES. I asked him again, Does he has orange shirt? YES. Do he knows Y? YES.
Y was his friend he was with that day. And I asked him 1 more question, is he the one who chased me????
I asked A. She didn't remember. He asked Y. Yes.. It was him. IT WAS HIM!! OMG what a small world?? I fall in love with a same person twice???
We became more close. But still, he didn't ask me to be his GF. Well, I thought that he'd propose to me to be his GF on the day we met? But I was wrong.
He slowly back off from me. Slowly disappears from me. Until one day, when I was near his crib, I tried to contact him. No respond. He didn't reply my sms. He didn't answers any of my calls. Not a single news from him until I got back to my house. I decided to move on. I left him few words on his myspace and block him and we never talked to each other ever since.
I remember when I begged him don't love me. That I love him. I remember when he begged me that he needs me. I will remember forever
We used a cartoon's character name as a nickname for both of us. Tobby and Lulu. And the song No Air is our theme song. Whenever I hear the song, he's on my mind. I can still smell him. His perfume, is my favourite men's perfume. He'll forever be my Tobby. But surely I've moved on. I just miss the moment we shared before. He's the last guy before I decided to love my current bf. I can't call him my ex-boyfriend. He's not.
Just now.. On my way to work, I called him. He answered. But I didn't say anything. And I can't hear his voice clearly.
O: Hello? Hello???
Then he kept quiet. Waiting for me to speak.
I hung up. Then I texted him..
G: O kan?
Sadly.. He said No. I got a wrong number.
My boss called me and told me that I don't have to come for work. When I got home.. I'm still not satisfied. I was sad, crushed.. I decided to call him. So what if I got a wrong number? When I heard his voice, I know it was him!
G: O kan?
O: Tak la.. *giggles*
G: Yela
O: Haha a ah la ni O.
Bla bla bla..
I asked him do he know me? He said no. Then I told him that he don't need to.
G: Hmm k la..
O: Ey kejap. Sape ni????
G: Bye..
O: Eyyy eyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!
I hung up. I still miss him. Why didn't he call back?? Whyyy?!? I texted him again..
G: Just wanna tell you that I miss you. Glad to hear your voice. Take care.. Bye.
O: Siapa ni? Please bagitahu I.
G: Can we talk for a while? Tak puas dengar suara.
And here I am, writing this blog. Haven't call him yet. He text me..
O: U
I didn't reply and didn't call. I don't know what should I do.
"I don't know"????
Ok la I do hide something that I know. I want to call him! I want to talk to him!!! That's what I want. And I want to tell him it was me! I want to I want to! But I can't.
There's no right or wrong? But this is so wrong!! SO SO WRONG!! I have a boyfriend who was being so faithful to me and not contacting any of his ex. But me???? Okay maybe he did text his ex last night because it was urgent and with my permission. But have I asked him for a permission?! NO. I'm being unfaithful! I am selfish. Damn.
But I just wanna hear his voice that I miss so much for the last time.. Can't I?
Lately, I've been missing him so much. As if we just met yesterday. But it has been more than a year since we last met. It was our first and last date. 2 days together.. But it was the most wonderful day. Being with him was the most wonderful time.
I do love my bf so much and truly. Madly in love with my bf. I know it is wrong to think about my ex. Actually, he's not even my ex. Let me call him O.
He's someone whom I had known since my childhood. But we lost contact. I've crush on him back then when we both were still young. But I completely forgot about him. Suddenly I met him on the internet.. Myspace. But we don't know each other. When I found out where's his crib, I was shocked. He's one of my old friend!
So the jejak kasih began. I started to remember about him a bit. Then I remember, I used to talk about him a lot back then. Hah! My friend, A used to like him! Yuppp!!
So I asked my friend, does she know O. She said yes. And she told me something shocking.
"You used to have crush on him"
What the..?!?! I thought it was her? IT WAS ME who has crush on him? Oh God.
We talked on the phone everyday. Texting everyday. He was the one who calm me down on the day my dad passed away. He has became a part of me. Although he was somewhere in the South. 300km away.
One day, while we talk about his place.. I remember someone wearing an orange shirt, riding a bike was chasing me around the suburb. Not stalking, of course. Cause I know him. He's my senior. He was flirting with me. But my crush on that time was chasing me as well. Not 'chasing' as in flirting me. But really chased me around the suburb. It was funny but I will never forget that moment till my last breath.
So, I asked him.. Do he likes orange? He said YES. I asked him again, Does he has orange shirt? YES. Do he knows Y? YES.
Y was his friend he was with that day. And I asked him 1 more question, is he the one who chased me????
I asked A. She didn't remember. He asked Y. Yes.. It was him. IT WAS HIM!! OMG what a small world?? I fall in love with a same person twice???
We became more close. But still, he didn't ask me to be his GF. Well, I thought that he'd propose to me to be his GF on the day we met? But I was wrong.
He slowly back off from me. Slowly disappears from me. Until one day, when I was near his crib, I tried to contact him. No respond. He didn't reply my sms. He didn't answers any of my calls. Not a single news from him until I got back to my house. I decided to move on. I left him few words on his myspace and block him and we never talked to each other ever since.
I remember when I begged him don't love me. That I love him. I remember when he begged me that he needs me. I will remember forever
We used a cartoon's character name as a nickname for both of us. Tobby and Lulu. And the song No Air is our theme song. Whenever I hear the song, he's on my mind. I can still smell him. His perfume, is my favourite men's perfume. He'll forever be my Tobby. But surely I've moved on. I just miss the moment we shared before. He's the last guy before I decided to love my current bf. I can't call him my ex-boyfriend. He's not.
Just now.. On my way to work, I called him. He answered. But I didn't say anything. And I can't hear his voice clearly.
O: Hello? Hello???
Then he kept quiet. Waiting for me to speak.
I hung up. Then I texted him..
G: O kan?
Sadly.. He said No. I got a wrong number.
My boss called me and told me that I don't have to come for work. When I got home.. I'm still not satisfied. I was sad, crushed.. I decided to call him. So what if I got a wrong number? When I heard his voice, I know it was him!
G: O kan?
O: Tak la.. *giggles*
G: Yela
O: Haha a ah la ni O.
Bla bla bla..
I asked him do he know me? He said no. Then I told him that he don't need to.
G: Hmm k la..
O: Ey kejap. Sape ni????
G: Bye..
O: Eyyy eyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!
I hung up. I still miss him. Why didn't he call back?? Whyyy?!? I texted him again..
G: Just wanna tell you that I miss you. Glad to hear your voice. Take care.. Bye.
O: Siapa ni? Please bagitahu I.
G: Can we talk for a while? Tak puas dengar suara.
And here I am, writing this blog. Haven't call him yet. He text me..
O: U
I didn't reply and didn't call. I don't know what should I do.
"I don't know"????
Ok la I do hide something that I know. I want to call him! I want to talk to him!!! That's what I want. And I want to tell him it was me! I want to I want to! But I can't.
There's no right or wrong? But this is so wrong!! SO SO WRONG!! I have a boyfriend who was being so faithful to me and not contacting any of his ex. But me???? Okay maybe he did text his ex last night because it was urgent and with my permission. But have I asked him for a permission?! NO. I'm being unfaithful! I am selfish. Damn.
But I just wanna hear his voice that I miss so much for the last time.. Can't I?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Sahur
Ahh.. It's 5am. Just finished my sahur. Selamat Bersahur, everyone! And selamat berpuasa by the way.
My schedule were really packed. It's sem break! But I've been busy working. Helping my uncle at the bazaar Ramadhan. Hm but seems like it's not really that packed. Oh well, whatever.
There's nothing much to share though. Nothing exciting happened. Love? Moving on and going on. 2 in 1. There's still love but no respect and understanding. How is that huh? I even doubt that it's ever going to survive for long or last forever. We're getting worse and worse everyday. Well, getting worse it bad, isn't it? We know that we can't go on anymore but we keep denying and keep avoiding and refused to admit the truth. At least we're trying to go on and fix everything instead of running away.
That's all for today. Hope there will be more tomorrow =) I'm sleepy and I'm bloated! Toodles~
My schedule were really packed. It's sem break! But I've been busy working. Helping my uncle at the bazaar Ramadhan. Hm but seems like it's not really that packed. Oh well, whatever.
There's nothing much to share though. Nothing exciting happened. Love? Moving on and going on. 2 in 1. There's still love but no respect and understanding. How is that huh? I even doubt that it's ever going to survive for long or last forever. We're getting worse and worse everyday. Well, getting worse it bad, isn't it? We know that we can't go on anymore but we keep denying and keep avoiding and refused to admit the truth. At least we're trying to go on and fix everything instead of running away.
That's all for today. Hope there will be more tomorrow =) I'm sleepy and I'm bloated! Toodles~
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Dear Diary
Dear diary,
Let me tell you about my story
I know it’s rather sad
But that’s the way I feel
Dear diary
I don't know if this is right or not
Started thinking of leaving him
But I’m afraid it might hurt him
All I want is for everything in the right place
And everyone is happy
Is it too much to ask for
All I want is for everything in the right place
So everyone is happy
Is that too much to ask for
Dear diary
Strong is not exactly right word
Started thinking of leaving him
But I'm afraid it might hurt him
All I want is for everything is in the right place
So everyone is happy
Is that too much to ask for
All I want is for everything in the right place
So everyone is happy
Is that too much to ask for
Dear diary
Strong is not exactly the right word
I don't know what to do know
Confusion is all over me
Let me tell you about my story
I know it’s rather sad
But that’s the way I feel
Dear diary
I don't know if this is right or not
Started thinking of leaving him
But I’m afraid it might hurt him
All I want is for everything in the right place
And everyone is happy
Is it too much to ask for
All I want is for everything in the right place
So everyone is happy
Is that too much to ask for
Dear diary
Strong is not exactly right word
Started thinking of leaving him
But I'm afraid it might hurt him
All I want is for everything is in the right place
So everyone is happy
Is that too much to ask for
All I want is for everything in the right place
So everyone is happy
Is that too much to ask for
Dear diary
Strong is not exactly the right word
I don't know what to do know
Confusion is all over me
In Love
Today I went to the Kia outlet. My mum FINALLY agreed to get me a new car since my baby car is gonna kill me soon. All the cars are sooooooo big. Haha. I masuk drive sure tak nampak jalan and orang tak nampak I. Damn it.
But Naza Suria ada. Very cute (not actually). My mum agreed to buy it. Muahaha!! I was so excited and can't wait to buy it. But then..
I fall in love with Hyundai i10 which is lot better than Naza Suria. Sorry Suria, you're not a shining sun anymore.
But Naza Suria ada. Very cute (not actually). My mum agreed to buy it. Muahaha!! I was so excited and can't wait to buy it. But then..
I fall in love with Hyundai i10 which is lot better than Naza Suria. Sorry Suria, you're not a shining sun anymore.
Suka dalam dia actually. LAWAAAA. Sure best if I drive this car. Wuu wuuu!! I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!! SOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!
You're gonna be mine!
You're gonna be mine!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Mummy, I Love You!
I love my mum.. Just wanna share..
She's my idol. I didn't say that just because of she's my mother. No. Because she's strong. She's the most strongest person I've met in person so far. Problems keep coming and keep attacking her. But she survived until today.. No matter what obstacle she's going through.. She still stay strong. I love her..
She waited for me for 5 years after married. Patiently waiting.. For 9 months I've been inside her. She took a good care of herself which mean she took care well of me.. On my birth day.. She had the most painful pain.. Giving birth..
She raised me for 18 years.. Give me the best she can. Last year, she stands on his own when my dad passed away. She has to pay for everything including for my school's fees.
Last 3 months, I gave her a very hard burden for her. But she kept patient on me. She accepted the burden for my sake. She sacrificed for me. The biggest sacrifice she ever made. But I made her disappointed. Because I spent most of my time with someone else. I don't have time to spend with her. And I forced her to sacrifice for the sake of my heart and what I want - to be with him.
I wanna make her proud.
I wanna be with her while I can.
I wanna repay for every sacrifices she made for me.
I love her so much.
She's my idol. I didn't say that just because of she's my mother. No. Because she's strong. She's the most strongest person I've met in person so far. Problems keep coming and keep attacking her. But she survived until today.. No matter what obstacle she's going through.. She still stay strong. I love her..
She waited for me for 5 years after married. Patiently waiting.. For 9 months I've been inside her. She took a good care of herself which mean she took care well of me.. On my birth day.. She had the most painful pain.. Giving birth..
She raised me for 18 years.. Give me the best she can. Last year, she stands on his own when my dad passed away. She has to pay for everything including for my school's fees.
Last 3 months, I gave her a very hard burden for her. But she kept patient on me. She accepted the burden for my sake. She sacrificed for me. The biggest sacrifice she ever made. But I made her disappointed. Because I spent most of my time with someone else. I don't have time to spend with her. And I forced her to sacrifice for the sake of my heart and what I want - to be with him.
I wanna make her proud.
I wanna be with her while I can.
I wanna repay for every sacrifices she made for me.
I love her so much.
Mum, I love you!!
Watching her sleep really touched my heart. She never rest. But today, she gave me her trust for me to cook for her on my own. Before, she'll prepare everything and I will cool. But I have to prepare everything today and cook.
Want some?
Want some?I love my mum more than myself. My biggest fear is losing her.. Everyday I'm afraid that I'll lose her. I will someday. But I'm not ready yet. I will never be ready to love her..
She gave birth to me no matter how painful it was
She raised me no matter how tough it was
She sacrifice for me no matter how hurt she is
She gave me education no matter how expensive it is
She loves me endlessly no matter what I did
She won't leave me no matter what happen
Remember..
Mother's love is the most pure and powerful. Syurga terletak di bawah tapak kaki ibu.
Don't ever dare to abandon your mum.. No matter if she's crazy.. No matter if she's a prisoner. No matter if she's a prostitute. Cause she loves you no matter what and how you are. Tell your mum that you love her while it's not too late.. Repay her when you can no matter how. She will appreciate it no matter what you gave her. As long as she knows that you love her, she will appreciate anything you do/give.
She gave birth to me no matter how painful it was
She raised me no matter how tough it was
She sacrifice for me no matter how hurt she is
She gave me education no matter how expensive it is
She loves me endlessly no matter what I did
She won't leave me no matter what happen
Remember..
Mother's love is the most pure and powerful. Syurga terletak di bawah tapak kaki ibu.
Don't ever dare to abandon your mum.. No matter if she's crazy.. No matter if she's a prisoner. No matter if she's a prostitute. Cause she loves you no matter what and how you are. Tell your mum that you love her while it's not too late.. Repay her when you can no matter how. She will appreciate it no matter what you gave her. As long as she knows that you love her, she will appreciate anything you do/give.
Thank you love
Thanks my love.. You really disappoint me today. Real badly..
My mum is sick. She can't even get up. And today I got a date with him. But I have to cancel it to take care of my mum since I'm her only child.
She's the strongest women that I've met. If she got a really high fever, she still fight with it and go to work. But today, she can't get up.. I'm worry about her. I need someone to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be fine.
But when I told him I can't make it today.. He said, "thanks very2 much. I beg u.. Please don't find me anymore. ok? Pls.. I know yur situation.. But I'm disappointed in you.. Please k?"
He even said that we won't meet again..
He said I tak de hati perut.
He said I played his heart.
He said he hates me.
He said he's gonna be the most terrible person after this.
He said he's sick.
He said he's gonna die.
He sent me a picture of him hanging himself.
He video called me while he's hanging himself.
I've got to call his mum. He's fine.. Except he's crying non-stop. And now I haven't heard anything from him..
Is it my fault that my mum is sick? Is it my fault that I have a mum to take care of? My mum only has mein her life. She has nobody else.. I have to take care of her.
But why did he became like that just because I want to cancel our date to take care of my mum? I'm very disappointed..
My mum is sick. She can't even get up. And today I got a date with him. But I have to cancel it to take care of my mum since I'm her only child.
She's the strongest women that I've met. If she got a really high fever, she still fight with it and go to work. But today, she can't get up.. I'm worry about her. I need someone to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be fine.
But when I told him I can't make it today.. He said, "thanks very2 much. I beg u.. Please don't find me anymore. ok? Pls.. I know yur situation.. But I'm disappointed in you.. Please k?"
He even said that we won't meet again..
He said I tak de hati perut.
He said I played his heart.
He said he hates me.
He said he's gonna be the most terrible person after this.
He said he's sick.
He said he's gonna die.
He sent me a picture of him hanging himself.
He video called me while he's hanging himself.
I've got to call his mum. He's fine.. Except he's crying non-stop. And now I haven't heard anything from him..
Is it my fault that my mum is sick? Is it my fault that I have a mum to take care of? My mum only has mein her life. She has nobody else.. I have to take care of her.
But why did he became like that just because I want to cancel our date to take care of my mum? I'm very disappointed..
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
My Dream Car
It would be between these
Hyundai i10
Hyundai Getz
But a friend of mine told me that it uses fuel like drinking cold drink. And there's something wrong with my baby car cause it was supposed to save fuel but mine uses alot of fuel. Haizz~!!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Rest
I wish I had 1 day off from life. I don't mean to be unconscious or whatever. Just wanna take a break from life. From doing anything. From going out. From assignments. From love.
But I know I can't. There's no time for a break in life. Because God already gave us a long period break.. Where we are free from works, free from responsibility, free from problems, free from love, free from commitments, free from sins.
The break time God gave is over. Just waiting to retired forever.
I'm not ready yet to retired from life. It's just that I wish I could free myself from works and love for just one day which I know, I can't. From works, can.. But not from love or other commitments that I am committed to.
Sometimes, I wonder if I can escape a day from life..? Not doing anything.. Neither having fun. Just rest with a book and a lavender candle. Uuuu~ How I love lavender fragrance. It's very delicate.
I will find my way how to take a break from life and I will share how. Wish me luck okay?
But I know I can't. There's no time for a break in life. Because God already gave us a long period break.. Where we are free from works, free from responsibility, free from problems, free from love, free from commitments, free from sins.
The break time God gave is over. Just waiting to retired forever.
I'm not ready yet to retired from life. It's just that I wish I could free myself from works and love for just one day which I know, I can't. From works, can.. But not from love or other commitments that I am committed to.
Sometimes, I wonder if I can escape a day from life..? Not doing anything.. Neither having fun. Just rest with a book and a lavender candle. Uuuu~ How I love lavender fragrance. It's very delicate.
I will find my way how to take a break from life and I will share how. Wish me luck okay?
Ps: What about making a movie titled - Escape a day in life? Haha
Monday, August 3, 2009
Happy Happy, NOT.
To me, we have to struggle very hard to earn it, to reach it, to feel it, to have it. We have to face so many obstacles even to smell it. Sometimes, when we're not strong enough or not strong willing enough to be happy, we gave up. And when we gave up, all the hardship we went through even 10% is a waste.
Happiness is very rare. That's why we have to struggle. We have to fight with life. When we talk about life.. We will open up our mouth so big that even a cat can enter. Because life is a big role. And it's cruel. We have to fight with it just for happiness.
Value buy - Happiness Battery
If we got through the hardship, manage to survive the obstacles.. We will finally earn our most biggest and rare reward that is HAPPINESS. But remember, we will lose it sooner or later. I told you so.. Life is cruel.
It's like money.. We save money everyday.. So hard for us. Sanggup tahan lapar, tahan rokok just for a lil money. Say, I want a laptop. I start saving and gave up on clothes and everything even topup. Finally I get my laptop. Someday, it will broke down.. Happiness is like that..
HAPPINESS WON'T LAST LONG.
Make sure you remember that and accept the fact.
Make sure you remember that and accept the fact.
But atleast we're not like the losers who gave up. Atleast we got to feel the happiness even for a lil while. We have to be gratitude that God gave us the oppurtunity to be happy even we haven't satisfied yet with the happiness that we finally have after our hardship.
"I wanna go to the Utopia. Or to the LaLa Land. They say it's heaven. Where we don't have to think about problems. Only having fun and being HAPPY. But they lied. I checked through my GPS. There's no such thing as Utopia or Lala Land." - T
We can choose to be happy or to be sad. It's all up to us to decide. If you're sad and you mourn, that means you chose to be sad. If you're sad but you decide to go out with friends, talk with someone then you chose to be happy. It's all in your hand.
Listen up and take my advice..
Appreciate the happiness that God gave you. Appreciate the opportunity while you still have it. When you lose it, be happy with it also. Because you will get another happiness in life. Life is cruel. But God is not.
But somehow I still alive inside
You took my breath but I survived
I don't know how but I don't even care..
You took my breath but I survived
I don't know how but I don't even care..
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